Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
