Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
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