So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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