I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
