This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
