It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
