Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
