singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
