my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
