You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
