Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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