Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
