On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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