I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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