yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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