I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
