Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
