Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
