Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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