when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
