I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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