Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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