Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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