According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
