Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
