i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
