my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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