know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
