it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
