Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
