i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
