That's when you crack a 10am beer
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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