:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
