So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
