I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
