we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
