Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
