Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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