Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There r osticjed everywhere
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
