dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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