Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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