I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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