You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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