yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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