Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
