I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
