Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
too bad you live with your parents still
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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