Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I have already put on my inside pants.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
