evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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