I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
