What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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