btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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