So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
